Louie: Double Date/Mom (1-7)

Mom's a lesbonian?

(Robbie)

Girls: Bad Friend (2-3)

Look at the doll. 

(Booth Jonathan)

Homeland: Broken Hearts (2-10)

I'm killing you.

(Brody)

Mad Men: The Suitcase (4-7)

If I wanna see two negros fight, 
I'd throw a dollar bill out my window.

(Mrs. Blankenship)

Louie: Dr. Ben/Nick (1-3)

This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, 

and my dad hung himself in front of me, while masturbating. 

(Ben)

Community: Digital Estate Planning (3-20)

A 100 year old man spent 30 years creating a video game? 
This I have to see.

(Jeff)

Louie: Pilot (1-1)

I know too much about life to have any optimism.

(Louie)

Mad Men: The Rejected (4-4)

My mother was a nurse at the state hospital in Vermont, and that was the last time I saw so many retarded people in one building.

(Ken Cosgrove)

Game of Thrones: The Rains of Castamere (3-9)

The Lannisters send their regards.
(Roose Bolton)

The Walking Dead: Clear (3-12)

Why do you need the guns, Rick? 

(Morgan)

Mad Men: Wee Small Hours (3-9)

I'm not gonna panic and do something stupid like I usually do.

(Harry)

Girls: Weirdos Need Girlfriends Too (1-8)

Yo, skank, where you at? Gettin' your pussy pounded? 

It's my sister.

(Adam)

Breaking Bad: Gliding Over All (5-8)

I want my life back. 

(Skyler)

Community: Horror Fiction In Seven Spooky Steps (3-5)

By sewing my butt to my chest, 
you've given me boobs I can touch all day!

(Pierce)

Girls: Welcome to Bushwick a.k.a. The Crackcident (1-7)

I will be your crack spirit guide.

(Jenna)

Mad Men: Souvenir (3-8)

You don't kiss boys. Boys kiss you.

(Betty)

Black Mirror: The Waldo Moment (2-3)

Here he is, the man of the moment.

(Jack)

True Blood: Authority Always Wins (5-2)

Jesus loves vampires. I mean, anyone who's been dead for three days knows where we're coming from.

(Steve Newlin)

Mad Men: Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency (3-6)

That's life. One minute, you're on top of the world. The next, some secretary is running over your foot with a lawn motor.

(Joan)

Girls: Hard Being Easy (1-5)

I want to break up.

(Marnie)

Breaking Bad: Say My Name (5-7)

You're Heisenberg.

(Declan)

Black Mirror: White Bear (2-2)

Let's make this show happen, people!

(Baxter)

Homeland: The Weekend (1-7)

How do you know what tea I drink?

(Brody)